Memoris with Jeremy

The day of love:

As a mom I learned so many things spiritually; I only wanted my children to feel loved, secure and happy.  Their spirits so innocent and pure and it was my “job” to teach, mentor and lead by example.

I learned what true patience is when you love someone unconditionally.  I have learned that being kind is much more important than being right.  I found that there was not a place for jealousy where true loves abides.  I felt that bragging on me for a job well done did not feel good and that in giving credence where credence is due my soul soared. 

I realized how hideous arrogance is and that by building others self-esteem I was wondrously blessed.  Although I failed at being the “perfect” mom I wanted to lead by example in all things so my children would learn via that example to understand that acting unbecomingly avails not. 

My life was and is about them and not about seeking pleasure entirely for myself but finding pleasure and joy in blessing them; there is no greater joy.  I found that my endurance as a mom was immeasurable and my children could never provoke me to the point of acting unbecomingly to them.  They could even wrong me and I rather suffer the wrong and take no accounting of what was said or done but return a steadfast love to them instead and use the incident in love to teach them right from wrong. 

On this journey with my children while growing up with them in all dimensions I found ways to deliver truths regarding unrighteousness and taught those truths on every occasion given me. 

I was given strength to bear all things, expand my beliefs spiritually in all things, found hope in all things for them and to this day my love for them is so strong I would endure anything for them. 

In this journey with my children as a human being I have fallen short of the mark but wanting to be the best mom in the world I found that even though I was not perfect my love for them is; it’s pure and unconditional and it never fails.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

4: Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5: does not act unbecomingly, it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6: does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7: bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  8: Love never fails;

Now my children are grown and my life continues; down the path of my journey I sojourn.  I want to truly grasp love to all. 

I pray that my spirit always honors the spirit in you without jealousy or judgment, being kind and not provoked regardless of color, race, spiritual belief or political views; overlooking wrongs; being kind instead of right, arrogant or boasting.  I pray that I walk in hope and strength knowing that love never fails me and that love never fails you.

To me this is what love is – Happy Valentine’s Day xx

 

I miss you son and love you uncondtionally.  I always have and every second of every day I love you more.  xx Mom

Memoirs with Jeremy

As I travel my path since April 2011 I have had many curves, potholes and passage ways that I have had to learn to maneuver creating opportunities to be strong enough to hold fast to my personal journey.

I am learning to stay on track and take the lighted pathway.  I have learned to not stay in Midnight when that path leads to darkness; I have learned to stay in the light where life and love abounds.

I have learned to focus on powerful intentions of focusing on my son’s transition of energy and returning “home”; completing his own journey, living life his way.  I try always to stay away from his physical departure and concentrate on where he is now in a lovely place of joy and love

I fell into apathy at the inception of “our tragedy”; I didn’t care much about anything other than my daughter and her family.  There was not an ounce of passion for anything except for the love of my family.  I have had to learn a new normal, creating a life that I can implement my new learned skills of survival and being a pathfinder in what is a most challenging life for me now.

I have and am still learning to be my authentic self and not carry the burden of my cross where it can be seen, keeping it in the shadows of my heart where grief is becoming compatible to a new kind of love for life; a gratitude and thankfulness for the gift of life. 

I am so thankful I am Jeremy’s mom; it is the most precious gift I have been given and I would do it all again to be part of his physical life and have the blessing of sharing that with him. 

I thought I was appreciative before of having the blessing of parenting both my children and now the pleasure of my daughter and her family has reached new heights; the depth, breadth of my soulful and humble appreciation and love for my family is much more intense and from the soul.

I stand in a new reality today.  My entire life was turned upside down.  I am the same person but with a new appreciation for what remains and what is really important in our journey.  I thought that my perception of love, life and light was healthy before my son’s transition, but I have since learned so much in terms of respecting other’s journey and loving and honoring the spirit that resides within them, from the soul wishing the best of intentions for everyone everywhere. 

I have the will to live, to be a strong Marine mom and hopefully a pillar of light to those who are lost in their darkest hours by sharing my journey in hopes that some small morsel will breathe life into even one person who is in need of a helping hand out of their Midnight.

I pray that we all reach our full potential while we travel our individual journey intersecting with each other along the way and that the gift of life and love be our priorities one to the other.

Namaste,

In love and understanding,

Sandra xx

I write from a loving connection to the beautiful energy and spirit of my son and the Universal Love of God.

Memoirs with Jeremy

Memoirs with Jeremy

Grief as shown me the depth of love I have for my son.  Grief has taught me that the capacity of love is the breadth and width of the vastness of the Universe; never ending.  Grief has shown me that it is the expression of profound love.  It has taught me the love of God.

The more we loved the greater the grief and grief is directly proportionate and related to the greatness, the vastness of the love we have for our children.

I think we as parents have great hope that the news delivered to us is wrong, a mistake, and that this cannot be truth.  In the process of denying the truth it can potentially make us more vulnerable for when we come out of the time warp of denial the pain increases and the hope we had for our children come crashing down in full force.

I don’t think there is a doubt in my mind that had there not been some denial that I could not have survived the news that my son is now physically gone from this world.  I am very thankful for shock and denial and even though it leaves us vulnerable it also helps us cross the bridge of reality.

There is no doubt that grief has affected me emotionally, physically and spiritually.  I didn’t realize how I would be affected socially.  It has been hard to be around those who are happy and joyful.  I love that they are, however; I feel like a big dead tree in the middle of a plush garden bringing the beauty of it down with me.

It is a phenomena how in the midst of such grief and sorrow that you can intermingle other emotions such as joy and peace.  It seems to spring forth from the unconditional and infinite love we have for our children knowing that they are by far in a much better place.  Holding tight to the beautiful memories and the undeniable love between mother and child is immutable, never changing, never ending; infinite.

In love and understanding,
Sandra xx