Memoirs with Jeremy

From everything I have read and to all parents that I have spoken to the rule of thumb is that you start some healing from losing your child when you can get to the hard place of acceptance.

I have never felt as though I could truly “accept” the tragedy of losing my son, however; there are no other options.  You cannot go back as much as you would like to set the clock back and do a rerun and have the ending much different from what it is today.  It is too hard to accept that your child has “crossed over” before you; it’s just not natural.

I am and have given this much thought and I have come to believe that the negative impact of acceptance of their transition is placed on death, however; the positive impact of their transition of starting a new life just in another dimension I find more palatable to my soul and heart.  I can accept new beginnings for my son.  I can accept that he is truly in a better place.  I can accept that he is more alive and peaceful than he has ever been in the physical realm.  The list is actually fairly infinite and if I learn to keep my eyes on that he is waiting for me and helping me pave along my journey; guiding me and teaching me then I can keep my eyes more on the fact that he truly lives on and we will be reunited one day sooner than what our real time reality is.

I am keeping focused spiritually and it is the only thing that I find strength and healing from and it isn’t a crutch for me and I do not feel there are false hopes in the fact that Jeremy lives on based on the fact that he has talked to me and I have had wonderful visits from him and feel his presence strongly at times and more subtly others.

I can accept that his transition is a beautiful journey filled with love, peace and joy and that his vibration is so strong that he has to lower his energy to meet in the middle for our connection.

In love and understanding, Sandra xx

Memoirs with Jeremy

It’s close to fifteen months since my son’s departure to the spirit realm and off to his new adventures.  I have mentioned that I have done research into others experiences, thoughts and belief systems and I must say that it comes full circle to that our children absolutely do live on and are always with us; always looking over us.  This is something I knew down deep in my soul but still when it is your child, your only son; I have had to have confirmation and confirmation again.

I will also say that within this window of time with Jeremy being gone for me to be able to read and do some research is a marked improvement in and of itself.  I am an avid reader and for one year could not read anything or absorb a sentence.  I still have trouble with things of legal nature, etc. my mind still seems to fragment and gets overloaded easily, but I have improved.

I do feel my son’s presence most of the time and although I miss him no less in the physical realm; I am so appreciative of his presence.  The connection is so strong and sometimes I feel I can reach out and touch him; other times it is more subtle yet I know he is with me.

I do believe that Jeremy and I had some unfinished business so to speak; however, as I talk to him through the day I feel his love for me strongly.  He knows and understands more about me now and as we know there is no such thing as a perfect parent.  I certainly have made my share of mistakes and wrong choices but being a good mom was the most important thing to me in spite of those wrong turns.  Jeremy was extremely mature in the military world but because that is where he grew into a man from high school there were things he learned to acclimate to in the civilian realm.  So we have put those small matters behind us and I am looking forward to any nugget or morsel that can be given me to share with anyone that will listen because I believe part of what they do in helping us is guiding us spiritually along the way and to help us grow and mature spiritually.  I truly believe that our children are helping to pave the road to heaven for us and with us.

I love and miss my son so much and wish I could laugh with him and hug him in the physical realm, however; I will not complain because in some ways I have him much more often in my life and the bond is stronger than it ever was and we were extremely close here and loved each other and our family fiercely.

I feel that ninety-eight percent of what I have shared on my blog has been a spiritual avenue via the Spirit and my son to help us all in the hardest task to endure that we will ever encounter.  I pray that something has helped you as it has it has helped me…….

In love and understanding,

Sandra xx

Memoirs with Jeremy

Memoirs with Jeremy

I found this is in some of the research I have been doing to better understand the connection I have had with my son.

This is a partial paragraph which pertains to my personal spiritual experiences with Jeremy and I believe it shares a lot of light on the experiences.

It is from "Infinite Quest" by John Edward regarding Mediumship: "........Perhaps you have been fortunate enough to communicate with your loved ones in the Afterlife from time to time. That is a very different experience, one that I wish for everyone. In fact, I encourage all my clients and students to reach out to their friends and family who have passed over. The love never dies and they are around you. But the reason you are connecting with them is the bond of love your share."


This says a lot to me..... hope it helps you too.

In love and understanding,
Sandra xx

Memoirs with Jeremy

I have been pondering my last blog that stated my beliefs on life after transition.  I am on a journey spiritually and this part of my journey is where my grief has personally taken me.  I know how different it is for each of us; I have a very dear friend whose son transitioned after Jeremy by about two months.  We share and listen to what and how we go through our grief and our belief systems and although at the end of the road our beliefs are the same; we just go about it a little differently.  Thank the Lord that there isn’t very much difference, because we can relate and we need each other so much right now.

I know that if you are a Christian and/or go to your church and have your own belief system there are probably many things you might frown upon.  I too spent many years in church and in fact I am an ordained minister.  With that said I am going to attempt some of my thoughts on supernatural visits via portals, connecting with the Spirit, etc.

I will have to say that my belief system is the same as the Bible, but I have found that the beliefs are parallel throughout many religions.  But, I take into account the era, the influence of the religious leaders in a third world country, etc. and I have an aversion to the word religion, because I think that is what gets us into trouble; I maintain we are a lot better with our lives when we stay on a spiritual journey. 

I try not to put labels or confine my thinking by any influence albeit the Bible, friends, what I have learned in church, books I have read, seasoned spiritual leaders, etc.  There are things I “bear witness” to and some I do not; I let my spirit connect with The Spirit and trust I will learn and accelerate when and where I should spiritually.

I do believe in meditation; it became clear to me one day as I was praying that I was doing all the talking and that there had to be some silence for me to hear what the Spirit has to say to me.  For me I go very deep within myself and wait to hear the voice of God, an impression, sometimes just a wonderful tingly sensation and other times epiphanies.  I don’t use candles but I love candles and they set a lovely ambiance, but my focus in on the Spirit inside me.   I do have my space and it is quiet and serene, but there are no formulas, routines, or rituals for me, I go deep inside myself, breathing and becoming one with the Spirit.  In fact, some meditations vary one to the other for me depending on time and how I am feeling that particular day. 

I basically try to stay in the “flow of the spirit” all day long, although I fail at this miserably some days.   One day I need the touch of the Spirit and am so hungry for it first thing in the morning; other times as soon as my feet hit the floor I don’t slow down until bedtime.  But throughout the entire day I am thanking God for all he has given me, which was extremely hardcore for me when my son left his earthly body.  But being thankful all day and having a spirit of gratitude and grateful for what does remain for me I manage to pull off a decent spiritual day and sometimes a phenomenal spiritual day.

Going deep inside my body to what I call to my core is where the Spirit resides within me.  When I am capable of entering into this realm it is as though my thirst is quenched and I long no more.  It is a beautiful and nourishing place and I come away feeling fulfilled for as I go into this peaceful place of silence and serenity am I usually completely depleted.  Since Jeremy’s transition it takes a lot of physic and physical energy to get through a day.

When I meditate and reach my core I have found that my spirit has no form and is light as a feather and vibrates at a high rate; the tingly feeling I receive while I am there.  I don’t actually “see” my form through physical eyes but in my spirit realm I see it as invisible; this seems a paradox but it is seeing through the spiritual eyes.  This is where it gets tricky because truthfully there are no earthly words for a spiritual connection; there’s not an adequate earthly language.  I call it my sixth sense (spiritual) out of all the senses (see, hear, taste, smell and touch) we have this one needs to be used as well. 

I can only get to my spiritual core by being in the now, in the present and focused on only that very moment.  I cannot be thinking about any noises I may hear, the phone, or even thinking about getting into the now.  It is important to remember if you are thinking then it hinders you from becoming connected to the precise moment of now.  I breathe, settle in comfortably, make my mind stay quiet and go deep inside to my soul.

When I “make this connection” I feel the inside of my body and feel connected to the source and one with the Spirit.  I have come away so enthralled with the oneness that I have felt energized and connected to the trees, grass, and butterflies and see the spiritual connection with my furry kids.  In this spiritual connection Jeremy has shown me that we are always connected because we are one with the Spirit. 

I do not feel separated but as though I am one with everything and on these occasions feel the energy of my spirit; I say tingly but I think perhaps a higher vibration.  In this connection it is still and quiet yet vibrates with life.  The interesting thing here is this place I go is “no place” and the voice I listen for in silence is equivalent to no sound…. No space and no sound yet it is as vibrant with life this place of silence and vastness and when you are connected you know that you know you have plugged into the source.  It is full of life, energy, peace, serenity, trust, and love and full of loving light.   

I try to keep a part of this with me throughout each day and through the night I relinquish myself to God and all his angels of light.  I know there are practices of protecting yourself from lower energies and I believe one should.  However; I believe if you walk in the light that darkness cannot reach you, after all, light dispels darkness.  So there is no way that darkness can come into the light.  But, if you are not certain about having a chink in your armor then by all means protect yourself from lower energies.  I know there are several ways to do this one of which is the blood of Jesus that the Christian church uses and I am only familiar but with a few protection processes.  I have faith in the light, which is God, One with the Universal Mind and Love of God.  If I walk in that then only what is predestined for me is going to be on my path unless I make some bad choices along the way lowering my energy.

Once again, I am a novice and am learning more each day.  I have been on a spiritual journey for most my life; with a few rabbit trails and lower energies disrupting me, however; over the last ten years I have gotten very serious about my spiritual journey again; even prior to my son’s transition.  Now that my son has transitioned, I cannot learn enough about the other side of the veil, the nonphysical realm, and hope to be sensitive to every blessing of the Spirit that is given me.  I am thankful that I started the quest of a spiritual journey again because I do not think I could survive this with the Spirit, light beings and my son.

Even though I have been on my spiritual path on and off all these years; it is true that the tragedy of losing my son has propelled me towards a genuine and sincere walk with the Spirit.

I will refer you to “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle, I have been reading this book for years and still every time I pick it up there is yet more again for me to try to wrap my mind around; which is part of the problem because it is meant to be grasped with the spirit.  It is very Spirit based and chock full of wisdom and knowledge and due to Mr. Tolle’s sharing his spiritual experiences and journey it has saved my life on more than one occasion.  His book is one of the seasoned spiritual leaders that I personally bear witness to what he writes and shares.

Now I am sharing these thoughts regarding our journeys, praying and meditating because this is where my strength lies; it has been the only place I can go and get even a morsel of comfort – it is the peace that surpasses all understanding.

Thank you to my son Jeremy, light beings, angels and the Spirit of our Universal Love and Oneness with God.

In love and understanding,

Sandra xx

p.s. I discovered that not only was my lens snapped back into the frame of my glasses but also the plastic thread that holds it in place was no longer sticking straight out from my glasses.  Thank you again son for that miracle.  It still astonishes me the beautiful spirit of my son and how he helps me.  But, this time he actually made this happen himself.  I don’t know how else to say this except that my son absorbed into my physical body, glasses were on the desk and before I could blink they were in my hand totally repaired. 

I love this….. I love my son and he still makes me happy, bringing honor to the family and is as strong in the spirit as could ever imagine. 

Memoirs with Jeremy

I have been doing some research on life after transition the last few days.  I have read a few books, listened to a few tapes, reread another book and have gone to videos and prior to this a few movies that address the quantum leap, life after transition and channeling.

My son has proven to me by different people and methods that he is still alive on the other side of the veil.  He has actually in my estimation proven this to me by the means he used to reach me; I have written of them over the last year plus.

Still I search to learn more because there are so many different opinions and beliefs; well, the truth is no one truly knows how this goes down until you have transitioned yourself.

During the research and pondering Jeremy’s visitations and presence I today have my own opinion.  I have been edging around this for months because I haven’t felt qualified to share something so surreal.  But I just know that I know and it is so difficult to describe the other “world” because it is so out of this world. J  But here goes…..this is what I trust and have faith in.

I believe that when you walk in the light darkness cannot come in, I believe when you are in the light that the light beings and angels can help you if you ask, I believe within this light is a portal – a spiritual portal and with all my heart I believe that when a loved one crosses over that you are still connected to them spiritually; the closer you are to them the tighter the connection in the spirit realm – in my opinion.

I believe that our children who have gone before us watch over us daily; I believe it is possible that when we sleep we can go into another dimension and actually visit with them.  I have on several occasions have had a recollection of such visits with my son.

I believe that they are always with us and they will always be with us – I have been uncertain of this until recently and after researching and taking in all I have learned from Jeremy; I don’t think they ever “go away”.  I believe our children are making a path for us to join them and in the meantime they are doing what they can to assist us with the cross we have been given to bear without them for the rest of our journey in the physical realm.

I believe that even though Jeremy may be learning new skills, perhaps he is helping other military men to cross over, however; in the midst of it all he may be busy with, that it is somehow possible to keep watch over me and mine.

I have struggled with the idea of his leaving spiritually and there not be visits from him one day.  I am willing to not cling to him or hold him back because I want him to be free and happy.  I believe he has stepped back a little so that I can find my land legs again and become stronger in that he not need to physically support me.  However; spiritually, in the nonphysical realm I have come to the firm opinion that he will always be here.  I feel his presence now as I convey to you my supernatural experiences with my son.

I believe the tragedy of his transition has made me hungry to learn and willing to be open and more sensitive to the portals we have to the supernatural-nonphysical world that we cannot go to because our vibrations are too low and our because our bodies our dense.  However; I believe that when we raise our vibrations then they can lower their vibrations and we can meet in the middle.

What an epiphany – people who channel do this all the time, hence they are called mediums.

I believe that we each have the same opportunity to be sensitive and open to these portals, these little peeks into the supernatural and that anyone and everyone has the “gift” or sensitivity to visit.  I believe that the Universal Love of God has given us all gifts that we operate in and a few are stronger in their gifts than others, but I think that has to do with faith.

I know to stay in the light you have to walk and breathe the light every day.  I know of some who have their “rituals” and/or meditation and prayer and I believe you should go to the light by the means you choose.  Visiting or meditation with God and having the faith to know that He is pure love and trust His light and energy are essential.  I do meditate, I do pray but I also try to stay in the light in all things.  I say this to say that I personally do not have a ritual, method or formula.  I cannot conjure Jeremy up and cause him to materialize no matter how hard I might try; I just feel his presence and it is stronger at times than at other moments.   I believe this portal is open for him because I desire it to be but I also believe the energy I am vibrating also has a lot to do with his visitations – hence, staying in the light with prayer and meditation I seem to see him more often.  In the beginning when I was overtaken by grief and basically had nothing but low vibrations Jeremy literally willed me to live.  I mention this because it is a bit of a paradox being in the throes of his transition he was with me but I also had to learn to get out of the midnight that called to me.  Jeremy taught me how to stay out of midnight and basically urged me to not return to midnight but stay in the light where there is healing and life.

I pretty much find I pray all the time – or really I talk to God most of the time and I do meditate and the breath is cleansing.  Outside of what I have mentioned there are no rituals for me.  By all means, if “rituals” work for you then you must do what works for you.  It is the same process as our grieving, we all do it differently.

I had an exceptional visit from Jeremy the other night.  The lens fell out of my glasses and I couldn’t see to put it back into the frame.  I was very tired but was in the middle of my research (seeking other’s opinion and ideas) and had a strong desire to read a little before I slept.  I finally put my glasses down and said “I am so exhausted” and felt as though I did not have the energy or patience it would take to get the lens back into the frame.  Jeremy very gently seemed to absorb into my body and very sweetly said “Move over Mom, let me do this”.  I do not remember picking the glasses up or trying to align them into the frame; the lens at that point was in the frame and the glasses were in my hand.  It was awesome.  I grinned from ear to ear and said a big “thank you, Jeremy” and went about my business.  It was simply extraordinary and I marvel every time he does something special to help me.

Even this morning I was reminded of something he has done since he was a small boy and it made me laugh out loud because I discovered that my daughter and I do the same thing periodically – it’s private and I mustn’t share, but it was a good “inside family joke”.

I know there are so many skeptical of such a supernatural occurrence but I share to say I am not anything but willing to hear from my son.  I only share that in hopes that perhaps you too will be blessed by the presence of your child; your loved one.  It is the only reason I share.  I feel compelled to do so because I believe that they want to touch your heart and for you to know they do live on and that they are so happy where they are.  The only thing that would make it any more perfect for them is that you know they are happy and well and to have faith in the fact that they do live on.

In talking with others along the way they too have felt Jeremy’s presence and have had supernatural occurrence/s.  I have talked to other parents and they “thought” they felt their loved ones presence.  I believe that there is not enough on this topic to help others to simply be open to a portal that can be shared.

I am a novice and I can only share the miraculous visits and occurrences that I have shared with Jeremy.  Earlier in my years I would sometimes have supernatural occurrences as far back as I can remember; but nothing as strong and as consistent as with my son.  Just to say, I have seen and spoken to my dad and his mother when they transitioned and I found it to be a blessing and not anything to be afraid of.

I hope my sharing has blessed you and perhaps give you faith and the absolute knowing that your child looks over you and know they are more alive than we are.  

In love and understanding,

Sandra xx

Memoirs with Jeremy

I have spoken so often about being champions for our children; to propel ourselves into our journey so that it would make a statement to our children of courage, strength and sheer determination.  I still feel the need to set the best example possible for my daughter and I so want to make my son proud of me.  I have said many times how I want to be as brave in life and he was in death.

It occurred to me this morning that I have taken a tiny step forward; I have accepted to another level.   In accepting the transition of my son it means validation that he has crossed into the nonphysical realm.  I believe with my entire heart and soul that he has proven to me again and again that he does live on in the nonphysical.  It is the acceptance of him being gone in the physical realm and missing him that is a daily challenge; as you know all too well.

I share this again to say that the tiny step forward that has been made for me is that I realize that in wanting to be an exceptional example for my children; being the pillar of strength and courage, that I now realize that I have to do this for myself.  In fact, I want to accept the life that lies ahead of me and from my core level be grateful for it.

I admit the will I mustered throughout the year and doing my level best to be a strong and exemplary role model has been a life thread for me.  It was actually a life preserver.  I didn’t realize at the time that it would be the very thing that would give me the will to live. 

If you have lost a child you know all too well that a large part of you dies with them and to have the will to continue your own journey is very challenging.   It’s been just over a year that my son, Ssgt. Jeremy D. Smith USMC, transitioned into his natural state of the nonphysical and I will say just this day as I opened my eyes I realized that this cannot be about my children only, I need and want to enjoy the precious time that I have left earthbound. 

To say that life is precious to me now is almost overstated – I still am willing every cell of my body to rejuvenate and come alive again.  But I see more than just a sliver of hope today, I see light on this journey and I am thankful for it.  For in the completion of our journey without our precious children doing it right contains the will to live and find pleasure and joy when we can along our paths.

I am also more accepting of the steps backwards and let myself grieve when I need to; my son has played a very serious and major role keeping me from the midnight that called for me.  I now have learned to not just stay in midnight but simply not allow myself to go there.  This came with much coaching from my son and I am sure other light beings.  So, this is said to remind me that even though today I have gone to a level of acceptance I can still allow myself the process and the time; no matter what it takes or how long, the path I am on now belongs to me.

I pray this day is the day that pivots me to the joy that I thought I would never feel again; I know I am going in the right direction.  I feel that to have the remainder of my life on earth and not be thankful for what remains would be an insult to the Universe and a rusted link in consciousness as a whole.

I want to be the bright morning star for my daughter, the sunshine for my son and an inspiration to others, yet I know that the very light I speak of comes only from within myself.  So, yes today I want to shine and not be dull and rusty, but have the light glow from within so that everyone knows that someone is home.               In love and understanding, Sandra xx

   My daughter and her son

Memoirs with Jeremy

I have spoken so often about being champions for our children; to propel ourselves into our journey so that it would make a statement to our children of courage, strength and sheer determination.  I still feel the need to set the best example possible for my daughter and I so want to make my son proud of me.  I have said many times how I want to be as brave in life and he was in death.

It occurred to me this morning that I have taken a tiny step forward; I have accepted to another level.   In accepting the transition of my son it means validation that he has crossed into the nonphysical realm.  I believe with my entire heart and soul that he has proven to me again and again that he does live on in the nonphysical.  It is the acceptance of him being gone in the physical realm and missing him that is a daily challenge; as you know all too well.

I share this again to say that the tiny step forward that has been made for me is that I realize that in wanting to be an exceptional example for my children; being the pillar of strength and courage, that I now realize that I have to do this for myself.  In fact, I want to accept the life that lies ahead of me and from my core level be grateful for it.

I admit the will I mustered throughout the year and doing my level best to be a strong and exemplary role model has been a life thread for me.  It was actually a life preserver.  I didn’t realize at the time that it would be the very thing that would give me the will to live. 

If you have lost a child you know all too well that a large part of you dies with them and to have the will to continue your own journey is very challenging.   It’s been just over a year that my son, Ssgt. Jeremy D. Smith USMC, transitioned into his natural state of the nonphysical and I will say just this day as I opened my eyes I realized that this cannot be about my children only, I need and want to enjoy the precious time that I have left earthbound. 

To say that life is precious to me now is almost overstated – I still am willing every cell of my body to rejuvenate and come alive again.  But I see more than just a sliver of hope today, I see light on this journey and I am thankful for it.  For in the completion of our journey without our precious children doing it right contains the will to live and find pleasure and joy when we can along our paths.

I am also more accepting of the steps backwards and let myself grieve when I need to; my son has played a very serious and major role keeping me from the midnight that called for me.  I now have learned to not just stay in midnight but simply not allow myself to go there.  This came with much coaching from my son and I am sure other light beings.  So, this is said to remind me that even though today I have gone to a level of acceptance I can still allow myself the process and the time; no matter what it takes or how long, the path I am on now belongs to me.

I pray this day is the day that pivots me to the joy that I thought I would never feel again; I know I am going in the right direction.  I feel that to have the remainder of my life on earth and not be thankful for what remains would be an insult to the Universe and a rusted link in consciousness as a whole.

I want to be the bright morning star for my daughter, the sunshine for my son and an inspiration to others, yet I know that the very light I speak of comes only from within myself.  So, yes today I want to shine and not be dull and rusty, but have the light glow from within so that everyone knows that someone is home.            

In love and understanding, Sandra xx

   My daughter and her son

Memoirs with Jeremy

I have given much thought regarding my visitations from my son over the last year plus.  I was in the beginning given; perhaps allowed many visits from Jeremy.  I have shared these visitations with you albeit they were more frequent in the beginning days. 

I am in no way an Edgar Cayce, Sylvia Browne or a John Edwards; although admittedly I wish I were that sensitive to the supernatural.  I have been all my life a little more “tuned in” than most of my friends and family and have experienced other visits from the other side of the veil; even dark spirits but the majority have been light beings.  I do not know how to account for the dark spirits except that they are very intimidating, but only if you let them; at least my visits were like that and I can only speak for my own personal experiences.  I have seen angels; beautiful, large and some even had wings.  I have visited with my dad shortly after his transition and for about two years had frequent awareness of his presence.  However; I saw my dad right after his passing and the vision I had of him was in a totally different form than when I saw my grandmother; my dad’s mom.  I have spoken with them on separate occasions; never together.  There was a man with my dad when I saw him in the spirit realm, I believe it was my grandfather but only because he “looked familiar”. 

I was never given the revelation as to who was with my dad but it was a very loving and familiar stance they had together; I am as sure as I can be that it was my dad’s dad, but it has never been confirmed.  My dad spoke to me to let me know “I am okay, sweetie.  I am okay”.   Again, the form they had was totally different from my grandmother and my son has altogether had an entirely different nonphysical form and actually has come to me in different ways. 

Jeremy has chosen many various ways in communicating to me; with me.  Later on in his transition the visuals began to be dimmer but his voice remained.  Now that time has gone on he has chosen different ways to communicate with me and only occasionally I hear his voice now.  Although, I sense his presence at times but it is not as strong as in the beginning of his transition and my despair.

What I am taken back to is that as my son’s visits were less frequent he started focusing on telling me that we are connected and will be always.  That he will always be here for me to help me to stay out of midnight but to also help guide me for a time.  I have no idea how long or often that might be.  What I do know is that I have to learn to withstand this on my own and not be dependent on my son to carry me through this the rest of my journey.

I have been told by someone extremely close to me who was told by another person that saw into the spirit realm is that our loved ones that cross over take on new responsibilities and become involved and actually very busy in their new life.  I have been told that some choose to stay in the nonphysical and that some choose to come back to “further their physical form life experiences”.

I have been told by many that they too have had visitations from their loved ones but chose to never speak of it.  I know I have been criticized for speaking of my many visits from Jeremy and believe that others do not share for fear of being looked upon as though they perhaps have lost their bearings. I have been told by a few moms that they only had one visit from their child and wished for more, others have had several and there are so many more stories told and some not shared but perhaps very privately.

My sole purpose in my “Memoirs with Jeremy” has been to reach out to other parents, families and all the loved ones to say that they do live on and they have not died – they are not d e a d.  I spoke of Jeremy being d e a d once with a friend and was very much corrected by my son who said to me “Mom, I am not dead, I am alive”….. It was a reminder because I too sometimes focus on that he isn’t here in the physical realm and that is when midnight starts claiming me.   

I believe more than anything that I have been allowed these visitations so that I might share these visits with other parents that are in the same anguish that I am in for it is tormenting.

Anyone that knows me also knows that I put all my cards on the table, speak my mind and generally don’t hold back much.  So, I want to shout it to the roof tops……. If you have lost a child they are more alive than we are in this earthly realm and from all I have read and researched that when they do transition it is so beautiful and peaceful and so full of love that they really don’t want to come back to this planet earth.  Some, I have understood, have not been allowed to stay and had to return to complete their journey.  My idea on that is for the same reason I share with you today; to say to you – there is another dimension much greater and infinite and beautiful than where we are today.

Jeremy has shared with me that the dimension he is in is so beautiful, loving and extraordinary that there are no earthly words to describe where he is and how glorious it is.

I have shared my grief and its process in hopes to help those who have just lost their child, some children and other’s entire families.  I have wanted to reach out and help because I know for me the smallest word or phrase can give me hope, courage and/or strength to go forward.

But today, as I pondered that it has been a little bit since I have actually heard my son’s voice (and as I did – I heard his deep voice to say only – we are connected Mom); I realized that my purpose has been two-fold. 

In my need to share my grief I also came away with some healing so perhaps that has been totally something from my place of agony I needed to do.  But, I do know without a doubt that my sharing that Jeremy is alive and well; happy and vibrant on the other side of the veil; that my journaling and memoirs have meant to be shared to give other parents a semblance of peace that their children live on.

I have never meant to be boastful or egocentric about my son’s visitations.  Yes, I loved them and yes I needed them and yes I have told anyone that would listen, but only that they too might reach for that little glimmer of light across the veil to know within themselves their loved ones; although not in the physical realm are definitely just through this very thin veil smiling and loving us and always being watchful over us.

Please do not worry if you haven’t heard or seen from your child or loved one, it doesn’t mean that they do not want to contact you.  I believe that each one that has crossed over has tried to let their families know they are better than okay.  I know for me and my daughter we were told that we were grieving so hard that Jeremy could not get through to us; I imagine each situation and circumstances are different one from the other.

When I did hear this I made myself snap out of midnight and listen and decided; actually made my mind up that if Jeremy could contact someone else to give me a message then he could contact me as well.  Hence; I made myself available and open.  There wasn’t one thing mysterious, highly spiritual or magical to make it happen; it is that I opened a portal if you will for communication.  I saw it has a conduit one to the other and I wanted and needed it more than I have anything in my life.  I simply trusted that he would and could contact me and others.  I would not liken it to sitting down and having a conversation with someone; but it is a spirit to spirit communication; otherwise worldly.

I am still learning of the grief process – there’s not a formula for that either.  It is time and more time and more time – I suspect forever, but eventually this devastation will be manageable.

I pray that I have other supernatural visits from my son.  I know he has shared with me to reach out also to some that are very close and again – even for those of you who know nothing of us.  Just to say – “We are in a beautiful and loving place and are doing very well.”

I bare it all in hopes that it helps you, in love and understanding,

Sandra xx

Memoirs with Jeremy

I didn’t expect Memorial Day to be as difficult for me as it was.  It was an extremely hard day.  I have been “training” myself to let my soul and heart lead the way and not my thoughts and mind and albeit a very important and significant day part of the hardship is that so many have died for our country and have given their all for so many years young and older men and women and it breaks my heart there has been so much loss. 

The loss of losing your loved one doesn’t just stop with the fact that they have “crossed over” and are just through the other side of the veil.  It impacts entire families for generations to come.  One of my daughter’s deepest regret is that her children so young have lost an uncle that they loved deeply.  My son was so close to my grandchildren and as they grow his memory will become dimmer and when they see pictures it will tug at their hearts because they will see the love but the memory will fade.

I think one of my greatest fears is getting to a place where I can’t remember his laugh.  Jeremy has one of the most unique and contagious laughs I have ever heard.  It is one of those that even if you were a stranger and heard him laugh you could not help but to at least smile; a really big smile.  So many beautiful things gone; hanging onto memories as tight as you can in hopes to keep your child’s memory alive as long as possible.  Even though Jeremy was an adult – just barely 27 years old he was and still is my child, the baby I birthed, my one and only son that I will never get to hold his children and see him grow into full adulthood.  He had his entire life ahead of him, first house, children, mowing his own lawn, longtime friends, new friends and watching his niece and nephew grow up and love their children.  This is all hard core losses for me and mine.

But, with that said and as much as a tragedy it is, the only thing that pivots me forth outside of my daughter and her family, is keeping focused that Jeremy is truly in a better place.  It is my selfishness that I want to hang onto him in this lifetime and if I focus on that he is in a place that he doesn’t want to return from because there is such peace and love there; then my heart can have a reprieve from the anguish it feels every minute of every day.

I have taken a few steps back and am now strong enough again to take a few steps forward and not let my mind be in the driver’s seat and keep focused on things of beauty that the Universe blesses us with, my daughter and her family and just being thankful for all that does remain.

I know my son doesn’t want nor wishes me to grieve myself to the point of no return; I know he wants me to finish my journey and do so like a champion.  I am once again mustering that strength to do so.  I have found, however; that I must not push myself too hard because the grieving process does take time and time I must give to the process.

It is hard to make sense of it all; there is no way we truly can.  As Jeremy said to me once “there is no changing it” and with a pause I knew he was right and I know he is still pointing me in the right direction.  If it is worth doing; it is worth doing right.  I am not speaking of the grieving process but the fact that we do have our own personal journeys to fulfill with or without our children, we must cross the finish line and I know that Jeremy wants me to finish my journey and find some happiness on the way after the process and the acceptance settles in a bit more.

In love and understanding,

Sandra xx