Memoirs with Jeremy

It is hard to believe that it will be seven years in April since I have had the blessing of giving Jeremy a bear hug, buying him a gift, cook a meal for him, giggle at his contagious laugh and feel his wonderful energy permeating every step he takes.  Everyone has moved on since the tragic events of our life and we; his immediate family, are still trying to piece ourselves back together and be functional again.  Every day is another day we miss him more.  But.....as time has passed we have learned to live with this horrific event and move forward.  It has taken a long time and every day of our lives will be learning to keep going forward.  It is a life sentence yet we can somehow manage to get to the point that we incorporate this tragedy into our very existence.  It has not nor will ever be an easy journey.

I have learned that I can prepare a meal in his memory and I am thankful I still can remember the sound of his glorious laughter and I am blessed that every so often I am granted a few moments to look upon his very beautiful energy and spirit.  He still has that same great smile - it is magnified and more pure than before and it fills every cell with an indescribable energy and peace that surpasses all understanding.

I wish still we could go back and do a "do-over" but yet in the same breathe I know that this was entirely Jeremy's journey and he lived it his way.  I wanted to beg him not to go yet I knew it would serve no purpose except heartache .... he knew what had to be done - he possessed sheer determination and selflessness to do what he knew he was called to.

So as a Mom I wanted to be selfish..... and so as a Mom I knew I could do nothing but give him 200% support and eternal love.

I am blessed and privileged to have been such a major part of his life - I would do it all again and again to have the blessing of being his Mom.  I have things I wish I could take back, or done or said.....but moreover - I have wonderful, beautiful memories I cherish with my son.

I love you son and am so very proud of you.

Gold Star Mom,

Ssgt. Jeremy D. Smith USMC

03-09-85-04-06-11

Memoirs with Jeremy

It has been an exceptional journey.  It seems a life time ago and then it seems like only yesterday.  I would choose not to have had to learn what comes with a journey such as this, but I believe on a conscious energy level perhaps....just maybe.....Jeremy and I chose this in another dimension long ago.

Jeremy came to me in a dream a few weeks ago and he glowed with such beauty and love that is was breathtaking.  He appeared in my backyard while I was out with my fur-babies.  He was poised against the tailgate of a truck and my dad was outside the drivers door side winding a cowboy rope.  I was so surprised to see them, however; my focus was on Jeremy.  He had such love and joy emanating from him and flowing out to me that I was filled to the brim with his love.  We communicated little but not with words - a consciousness that was flowing from him to me and back again.  After some time, I don't know how long - minutes/seconds....my dad spoke and said we need to be going.  I asked if they had to leave so soon and my dad replied that they would be back soon - in a most loving and calm way after seeing my distress of them leaving me.  The entire visit was filled with love and comfort.  The joy manifested was palpable.

I suppose you could take this encounter in various ways - I choose not to decipher it but enjoy that they cloaked me in love and to see them so content and glowing with love and joy - well, it brings much peace to my soul and salve to my heart.

I read (Eckhart Tolle) that the human brain contains approximately one hundred billion nerve cells/neurons.  That this is about the same number as there are stars in our galaxy/macrocosmic brain.  He described consciousness as the creator of the brain and that we are the most complex physical form on earth and that consciousness uses human form to enter this dimension (paraphrased).  I liken it to the Holy Spirit residing in us to express itself and in turn our conscious level expands.  I believe that how conscious you are is expressed in how spiritual you are and one with the universe.  We are all connected in this spiritual/conscious journey we are on and it is why I know that Jeremy lives - just in another dimension.  Some do not believe in reincarnation but I do not know how one could possibly grow spiritually in one small life time. 

Consciousness/God creates all, is all and in all. No one, no one faith or pastor, priest, etc. has all the answers.  Living a conscious spiritual life is a chosen journey and it requires we be conscious in even the smallest-mundane chores not just the big events.  I challenge myself with this but not near as much as I should -  my intentions are to grow to have more consciousness and be spirit filled - be one with the universe.

I am thankful that my son reaches out to me from another dimension - some think I am desperate, some think I make it up, some think I am looney.....I think I will take whatever and whenever I can from the other side that we are all destined for eventually. It brings me monumental comfort, faith, and hope.

Proud Mom of

Ssgt. Jeremy D. Smith USMC 03-09-85-04-06-11