Memoirs with Jeremy

I am heavy hearted with the divisiveness of our country.   I am – I suppose – a moderate.  Definitely an independent.  I don’t sway left or right, but try to find the middle of the issues to be fair for all.  I am neither Republican nor Democrat; I believe in some of what they both stand for.

I do not claim to be an authority on global warming, but believe there have been changes to our weather.  Nor do I claim to be an authority regarding Revelations, even though I have read it many times.   What or who do you swing with – that the weather is indicating that we are at the inception of the end of the world – according to Christians. Or…that it is global warming and throw tons of money into climate change.  Where is the middle ground?

I believe in the American way and the American dream.  I think anyone who wants to come and share that with us should.  However; I believe it should be done properly – legally.  Like everyone else who has been here and dedicated themselves to become an American.  Why should some accept that and others do not…..I believe the system should be simplified for those who are here and those who want to be part of our system. 

I do not see anything wrong with vetting.  I know for a fact you cannot go into the Middle East or Mexico without proper documentation or overstaying your visa.  I had to come home every 6 months – when my daughter was a baby and reenter according to Saudi Arabia rules – not mine.  My daughter was born in their hospital – but it did not give her immediate citizenship.  That did not offend me even though I had lived there for years.

I have been exposed to many countries and religions.  My family is composed of some Native Americans and Hispanics.  My daughter was born in Saudi Arabia.  I had a boyfriend from Saudi some time back.  I made many friends while I lived there – from Australia, England, India, Middle East, Far East, France, etc.  I was married to a German; his family spoke broken English.  I travelled a large part of Europe and the Middle East and loved everyone I met.  It was truly a blessing having met each and every one of them.

It is sad that we are taking precautions at the airports with our brothers and sisters coming in.  But, I do want my country safe.  My son fought in Afghanistan and died there.  He served 4 tours – 3 in Iraq and the last in Afghanistan.  We talked about how it was necessary – according to the Marines – to keep the fight there and not let it come to our beautiful nation.  Jeremy joined the Marines righter after 9/11.  Many of his friends did the same.  Much controversy here.  But I believe in better safe than sorry.  It saddens me that much of what my son went through has been reversed – many lost their lives in Iraq.  I do not – again – claim to be an authority, however; if a Marine believes so do I.

I also, know for a fact, that our military needs upgrading.  I have been a family of the Marines for years now and I have heard the issues that have been raised…including and not limited to our men having enough food for them while on deployment.  Not to mention old gear, etc.

I believe in sharing our country to anyone who wants to be a proud American.  I am not an alarmist, but I would like to know that there will not be bomb attacks on our land again.  What is wrong with better safe than sorry?

I do not judge anyone for their color, race or religion.  I believe to each his own and it is none of my business what or who someone else chooses.  Including same sex couples – marriage if they wish.  I am a little iffy on marriage, but not who marries whom.  In fact, I am going to a gay wedding in March – the couple is family to me and I have loved them since they were in elementary school.

I believe in women’s rights – of course, equal pay and promotions.  I have gray areas regarding abortion.  I do not believe it should be used as a contraceptive and I do not believe a full term – half term baby should be murdered.  I believe they are human in the womb.  However; there can be unfortunate and humane reasons to abort.  I have issues personally on this subject and think we should turn down the dial a bit.

I would love to see new roads, bridges, environment and water upgrades.  Also – borders more protected.  I think our educational system needs a lot of help – my kids received a good education and really I am not in that dimension of children going to school – but, more pay better schools. There are so many safety issues and teacher’s pay, etc.  But I believe in the best of both worlds for teachers and students.

It didn’t bother me that we had a half black/white President…no more than it would bother me if they were gay, a woman or purple.  I did not care for Obama’s term, but that is just a personal opinion….there are those who loved everything he did.  But, I sure wouldn’t argue or start a personal war over it.  I LOVED Ben Carson – I think he is one of the most intelligent people I have ever heard.  However; the Christian way is not always spot on.  I vote only for what I personally believe would better our great country.

I don’t have issues with transgender people in the army or any aspect of our world.  They are who they are and should be loved.  Christianity has been poked down our throats, but since people have been “coming out of the closet” so much has been accepted in the last decade.  I think we will all come around and find that we are who we are – not matter what that entails.  We should never judge or create drama to fit our way of thinking, believing or living.

I am a deplorable – I voted for Donald Trump.  Yes he is rough around the edges.  But, I hope and believe that our POTUS can make some very sound and great changes.  Just as those who believed in Obama….why am I wrong to have a belief?  I allowed you yours.  I respected anyone who voted for Obama and didn’t vote for Trump – that would be my daughter and her husband.  It didn’t tear our family up – we were kind about our differences and spoke about them respectfully.

Let’s meet in the middle people.  Let’s put our country first and our personal needs after.  Just like our military and my Marines.  PEACE FOR USA AND THE WORLD.

Sandra Kay Harris-Smith

Proud Mom of Ssgt. Jeremy D. Smith USMC 03-09-85-04-06-11

Memoirs with Jeremy

I managed another year of holidays.  Started off fairly well for Thanksgiving, but Christmas threw me for a loop; it was extraordinarily painful.  With that said; I have made progress.  I decided to return to the assistance of medication support.  I am prone to depression and anxiety on a good day.  The meds helps take the edge off and keep at bay the panic attacks.  I have tried off and on not wanting to medicate, but it just makes life easier with the help.  My daughter says "whatever it takes Mom" and really that is the crux for us all.  It is different for us individually.....but whatever it takes to help deal with the pain, depression and anxiety- for any of us .  I have made more progress with the help of meds.  I am a lot more functional and even dress each day now.  I am more capable of shopping for groceries and doing the everyday mundane chores we each have.  I still have issues with driving; white outs and not knowing where I am at times

For some reason this has hit my brain hard.  Short term memory loss and anti-social from the inception of this tragedy.

Once again, I am only revealing such personal information in hopes that someone in need of help and identifying their symptoms is helped by sharing.  It is actually very embarrassing and has taken me by storm.  Now that I can identify that a panic attack is looming I can control my environment realizing what I personally need to do.  It has been anywhere from taking deep breaths to trying to not RUN from a get together with family.  My meds do not eradicate the symptoms but it does assist me in having a more normal life.

I spoke so often of a new normal and really there is nothing normal about this and there will never be.  But I have made a life for myself.  I have moved from the city to the rural area of East Texas where there is peace and quiet....serenity.  Being next to nature is being next to God for me and it has helped me to settle in with myself and endeavor to move forward.

Some things will never change.  The pain and the loss is incomprehensible.  I miss Jeremy more with each and every day and second I breathe.  But I am coping now and the meds are just a crutch to help me cope.  I have to be careful with alcohol.....only a glass or two of wine....on occasion...otherwise; it spins me into depression that takes days to overcome.  My vices are scrabble and cookie jam and the news.  It helps keep my brain from playing over and over the surreal fact that Jeremy is in another dimension.  More importantly focusing on all of the above spiritually has been the largest factor of handling all of this to the best of my (personal) ability.

It sucks .... it is heartbreaking - literally, but I know that my son is overseeing me and is with me at all times....until we meet again.

I love you son.

Proud Mom of
Ssgt. Jeremy D. Smith USMC 03-09-85-04-06-11