I have spoken so
often about being champions for our children; to propel ourselves into our
journey so that it would make a statement to our children of courage, strength
and sheer determination. I still feel
the need to set the best example possible for my daughter and I so want to make
my son proud of me. I have said many
times how I want to be as brave in life and he was in death.
It occurred to me
this morning that I have taken a tiny step forward; I have accepted to another
level. In accepting the transition of
my son it means validation that he has crossed into the nonphysical realm. I believe with my entire heart and soul that
he has proven to me again and again that he does live on in the
nonphysical. It is the acceptance of him
being gone in the physical realm and missing him that is a daily challenge; as
you know all too well.
I share this again to
say that the tiny step forward that has been made for me is that I realize that
in wanting to be an exceptional example for my children; being the pillar of
strength and courage, that I now realize that I have to do this for myself. In fact, I want to accept the life that lies
ahead of me and from my core level be grateful for it.
I admit the will I
mustered throughout the year and doing my level best to be a strong and
exemplary role model has been a life thread for me. It was actually a life preserver. I didn’t realize at the time that it would be
the very thing that would give me the will to live.
If you have lost a
child you know all too well that a large part of you dies with them and to have
the will to continue your own journey is very challenging. It’s been just over a year that my son,
Ssgt. Jeremy D. Smith USMC, transitioned into his natural state of the
nonphysical and I will say just this day as I opened my eyes I realized that this
cannot be about my children only, I need and want to enjoy the precious time
that I have left earthbound.
To say that life is
precious to me now is almost overstated – I still am willing every cell of my
body to rejuvenate and come alive again.
But I see more than just a sliver of hope today, I see light on this journey
and I am thankful for it. For in the
completion of our journey without our precious children doing it right contains
the will to live and find pleasure and joy when we can along our paths.
I am also more accepting
of the steps backwards and let myself grieve when I need to; my son has played
a very serious and major role keeping me from the midnight that called for
me. I now have learned to not just stay
in midnight but simply not allow myself to go there. This came with much coaching from my son and
I am sure other light beings. So, this
is said to remind me that even though today I have gone to a level of
acceptance I can still allow myself the process and the time; no matter what it
takes or how long, the path I am on now belongs to me.
I pray this day is
the day that pivots me to the joy that I thought I would never feel again; I
know I am going in the right direction.
I feel that to have the remainder of my life on earth and not be
thankful for what remains would be an insult to the Universe and a rusted link
in consciousness as a whole.
I want to be the
bright morning star for my daughter, the sunshine for my son and an inspiration
to others, yet I know that the very light I speak of comes only from within
myself. So, yes today I want to shine
and not be dull and rusty, but have the light glow from within so that everyone
knows that someone is home. In love and understanding, Sandra
xx
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